The EPIC Blast 2008 14th September 2008 update

[Byrner]

Hello,
I've been asked a few questions about The Blast.
First i'll be doing a preview for Irish DH before the end of August and www.spoke.ie
its a one day event, Sunday the 14th
there will be online sign on
you can also sign on ,on the day.
there will be uplifts most of the way up as usual
its Heats , then heat Finals
Then the Blast itself.
XC bikes, DH Bikes, freeride bikes..BMX if you want to..
Its not a timed race, its first to the bottom..
previous winners were Dan Wolfe ( Flowmtb ) on his dads XC bike, Joe McCall ( team Rocky Mountain) on a borrowed DH bike, Niall Davis ( IMBRC) on a Jump bike.
The track has DH bits, xc bits and just regular mountainbike bits..theres places where each type of bike will have advantages..
The use of The Whammy is encouraged..if you have to ask what that is , then you are not a cool person..just steer Clear of Sean Herlihy and Bruce Murphy..
Armour is a good idea and I would wear goggles or some such as its wet up in ballinastoe at the moment.
And remember, its about having the craic..but The Winner is undoubtably The Best Mountainbiker in The Country..
we're waiting on a couple of Sponsors to Confirm, the Food tent will be there as usual, toilets..
Volunteers are always Welcome
See you then
Richie Byrne
EPICmtb
www.epicmtb.com

[Don]

I'll add to that...

Seat height - not too low, not to high, you'll be tempted to drop it to the max but don't, there are some short uphill sections where you will suffer

Glasses - wear them, it may dry out but Ballinastoe is home to the Schlomp Gods, and they go for the eyes.

Pre-ride - do this the day before, it will improve your performance no end if you know what's coming next

Tyres - Panaracers will die, anything less than 2.1 will be derided, only those on Tubeless Ignitors will be truly happy

I am sure others have more tips...

[Dethshed]

Dear Sir
I would like a tip on fashion for this Blast you speak of, how should a gentleman atire his good self for the day?

[Don]

I've already gone into the a tyre issue old fruit.

[Byrner]

Well i was thinking I'd love a ringmaster outfit..or Baron Samedi..i have to learn to dance as well !!

[Basil Fawlty]

I'll add to that...

Seat height - not too low, not to high, you'll be tempted to drop it to the max but don't, there are some short uphill sections where you will suffer

Glasses - wear them, it may dry out but Ballinastoe is home to the Schlomp Gods, and they go for the eyes.

Pre-ride - do this the day before, it will improve your performance no end if you know what's coming next

Tyres - Panaracers will die, anything less than 2.1 will be derided, only those on Tubeless Ignitors will be truly happy

I am sure others have more tips...


Seat height: telescopic. The only way. Buy one, you won't regret it, no matter what some people will tell you.

Glasses: yes, I will be wearing them. Feckin' blind without.

Pre-ride: no need, little benefit. In fact, pre-riding is against the spirit of the Blast in some ways. The Blast is more about just dealing with what the track, the conditions and the other competitors throw at you. Practice that line until you think you have it dialled, then come race time and some other hoo-er is already on it in your place. You will be sharing that trail with a lot of other people. And where is the fun in knowing what's coming next?!

Panaracers: well at least you got that bit right!

Other tips: apart from the ones about standing up in a canoe and stopping to tie a shoelace in a revolving door, I have no other useful advice to give right now. Probably just as well.

[Byrner]

Basils right, preriding the course is against the spirit of the thing, shame on you Don

[Fat Fecker]

brown trousers, with elasticated ends might be advantagous....

lycra is banned, unless its a skin suit worn in humor.

[The_Happy_Fairy]

You’re ruinin it. With your tyre choice, your helpful tips your, your and civilised Christian ways. Next it’ll be should I use a camel back or just stick with a water bottle, do you wax to just above the knee or do you wax to the top of the thigh, would a B- One be a good bike for the Blast. AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

STOP!!!!!. This is about picking your teeth with the bones of your enemies, chewing their ears of as they try and pass, ridin over the fallen, slaying the weak, using your saddles to beat them unconscious. Do you thing post apocalyptic road warriors would be worried about their bleeding tyre pressure. Do you think when the Viking were pouring out of the long boats they were worried about whether they had accessorised properly. Do you think Mohawk warriors fretted over what brand of head crakin axe best defined them as people. COP THE F**K ON AND GET WITH THE PROGRAM.

NO ONE IS GETTING OFF THE START LINE UNTIL THEY’RE FOAMING AT THE MOUTH AND BAYING FOR THE BLOOD OF THEIR ENIMES LIKE CAGED WOLFMAN ANIMAL BEASTY THINGS.

[ColinB]

TONIGHT... WE DINE IN HELL !!!

AAAARRRRHHGHGHGHGHGHGGGHGHGHGHGHZDNF|HASRIOHw

[Byrner]

Jeebus Colin, you might want to get that constipation seen to..

[Don]

Sean raises an interesting point, a Be-One would be most inappropriate.

[The_Happy_Fairy]

And the Track? What track? There is no track?

At sun rise on the appointed day, the track will emerge from the mountain, we will be waiting, ready, prepared to do battle.

Many will fall, broken and defeated, heroes will emerge, champions will conquer.

When the sun sets it will disappear back in to the mountain, the stuff of legend.

[Byrner]

Thats them Pink Snacks making you crazy, isn't it ?

[The_Happy_Fairy]

Yiz have all turned into a bunch a slack jawed, poo pushin, goober lovers. Don’t worry there is redemption, it’ll be waiting for you at the top of the mountain.

[Byrner]

I think i'll just hang around at the bottom with the strippers..

[Basil Fawlty]

I am going to provide Sean with extra Calippos at the start. I want to hear the Blood, Fire, Death speech and "everyone has to make motorbike noises" in a silly foreign accent.

[JoeyO]

Good afternoon, lads!
This is my first ever posting on this website, after my first few weeks doing "proper" mountainbiking (open to debate) - and, after reading the postings regarding the Epic Blast left this morning, I think I've made a terrible mistake!!!!
But seriously, I understand what's going on: I'm still at that half-embyonic stage of feeling that freedom I thought I'd lost somewhere between school and the 9 to 5.
Having said that, I'm sure the gladatorial fervour will kick in and I too will be "picking my teeth with the broken bones of my vanquished enemies (I hope they've been properly chilled and then thoroughly cooked through!)
Regards!

[The_Happy_Fairy]

There'll be no cooking of the bones of the enemies, that defeats the purpose.

And Strippers? Do Rue and Earl know they’ll be spending the day in crotch-less leader pants, chained to the bull bars of your jeep?

There’ll be none of that at the top of the mountain, just men, and women who are man enough. Man enough to stare down fear and laugh, man enough to step up to the plate, and throw it down when it counts. Don’t worry JoeyO many goobers will climb that mountain but there will only be men, and wommenmen left standing at the bottom.

And there'll be no Calippo's at the top of that mountain, just fear, respect, destiny and a start line.

Youre all right JoeyO, it’s the rest of them that need reeducation, that ones that should know better. It was far from tyre choice that you lot were raised, remember where youre roots are, back before we had the internerd, before bikes came in catalogues, before labels, before we tublessness, before we know what psi stood for, before trail centre and before goons in magazines could tell you how to ride your bike.

Back when if you weren’t bleeding you weren’t trying hard enough.

Back when being a mountain biker was all about courage and skill.

[The_Happy_Fairy]

And yiz even made me forget one of the important bits, Preriding?

Did they have practice times for D day, did the charge of the light brigade have a few runs, just to get it right, do you think Achilles was standing outside the gates of Troy thinking, ‘em, maybe I could have done in yer man Hector abit quicker if I had practiced more.’ If your goin to step on to a battle you better be ready to fight.

And someone make sure that Yogi lad from cork comes, we need more fodder.

[Don]

Of course they practiced D day, what do you think A, B and C Day was all about? As for whether the charge of the light brigade had curry for breakfast, who knows?

[The_Happy_Fairy]

It’s a Brave man that mocks the Fairy, I’ll have your number, carved with my blood into the forehead of a virgin, just so I won’t forget.

[Byrner]

This is gas..you sound way too like me ...its kind of creepy !

[Don]

You'll be too far in front to worry about me, I was trying to stay with you and Damo at the bottom of the track yesterday, I was at 96% and I would say you two were about 30%-32% faster than me. But I think I was so busy trying to do the math that I was about 6% slower than I should have been.

And does anyone else think Richie has hacked into Seans account?

[The_Happy_Fairy]

No Donald, I won’t be going anywhere, I’ll be at the top, waiting.

Of course I sound like you, someone has to fill the void, since you’ve spent so long in goober land you’ve gone native. Murphy is turnin in his Grave.

[Byrner]

No..not gone native..I've just been bringing fresh meat..should have really called it Blast IV..
Goober Armageddon

[Dethshed]

I was wondering when he would cast-off his dark Ministerial trappings and bare his primal freeride-fangs-of-fury, snarling and growling and foaming he is...
didn't I tell you this would happen Richie?
he's answered just one too many goober posts on Irish DH about why the government won't build a 15 minute DH track in some eejits back garden, and he's now he's gone
suh-suh-Psycho!!!!

[Dethshed]

jeeziz the madman's words have me fierce riled-up, I think I'll start a fight,
or at least go potty like that lad in that video Don posted a few weeks ago,
throwing monitors on women and givin' the poor photocopier an awful baytin'...

[The_Happy_Fairy]

Your one to talk Mr. Tipperary, or Letterkenny or Mayo or whatever you call your self. Your one of the sympathisers, you’ve ruined MAD, back in the day people aspired to be in MAD, those little red and white DAM stickers were a badge of honour. We used to fire 40 young lads out into the wilds of Wicklow and if more than half made it back it was a success, back then if somebody didn’t do something stupid on a spin it was just an anti climax. Getting the knock in the middle or knowwhere and crawling home on your hands a knees was the norm. Every Sunday was a mammoth spin, Yellow house to Djouce at a minimum, more if the weather was good, then race home on the road like savages watchin the weak drop in the gutter along the way. Now who do you think you are with your understanding, helpful beginner programmes, civilised internerd forum, and driving to spins, Peter P must be spinning in his grave.

And startin a fight is easy, it finishin it that counts.

[Dethshed]

think he might have me there.....

[The_Happy_Fairy]

Its not that its your fault, your all just gone soft. Its societies fault really, they have convinced you your safe in your homes and the bad people can be reasoned with, made you slaves to your women, made you feel you have to thick the healthy activity box on the heart attack form, cause if you don’t the form might tell you’re your done for, and where would you be then?

What’s your average mountain biker doing these days when he is not on a mountain? Worrying about wall paper patterns? Buying chinos with pockets on the sides and thinking their combats. Knowing what a mocha latai is, and even worse ordering one. And listening to your women? Do you not know any better, ‘no honey, of course its not girly to moisturise, you need to look after your skin’? What??? What’s happening? The whole feckin world has turned metro sexual.

Yiz need to cop on, women don’t want a friend, they wan a man, he is supposed to smell bad, drink too much, get in fights is cinemas, hate all her friends, family and her entire social circle, say the wrong thing, at the wrong time to the wrong person. They might not want to admit it, they might not even realise it, but they don’t want a ‘friend’ that they share grooming tipps with, or shop for duvet covers with, or someone they can have intelligent conversations with about Jane Austin Novels. They want a man, one who can stand at the entrance to the cave beat his chest, howl at the moon, scare off the wolves and bring home meat for the babies. Are you that man? Will you pick up the point stick and take on the dinosaur when he turns up to eat you and yours, or will you sit around wondering why the phone hasn’t been invested yet so you can ring for help.

This is supposed to be an extreme sport, your supposed to be on the edge, pushing the envelope, smacking into trees, bursting things, breaking things, getting the read mist, hearing the voices, not reading about them in ejit magazine. Your supposed to be different from the punters you meet in Tesco’s, there supposed to be a little bit afraid of you, your friends are supposed to ‘not quite know what to make of ye’. You’re a mountain biker, your supposed to be hard. So harden the f**k up.

[ColinB]

Ahhh man... that's it, I'm giving up everything, that's the best ever....


"Will you pick up the pointy stick and take on the dinosaur when he turns up"

[Don]

I'll have whatever Sean has been injecting himself with. If I read tomorrow of a firm of accountants that was taken out with an Uzi I will be not one bit surprised. Police are looking for for a chap, frothing out the mouth with neat hair.

[Byrner]

and sideburns..
anyway, pity the french and his wife Joanne, hes off on the road to the World Masters Champs in France on Friday with a borrowed satnav, Metallica cd and a heavy foot..
Expect the Olympics to be overshadowed..
The pointy stick and the dinosaur, thats the best quote ever..classic

[Basil Fawlty]

Metallica CD? It'll be a pleasant change from Guns n' Roses anyway.

Don, what have you started?! Do it more often will you, this is the best post in a long, long time.

[The_Happy_Fairy]

Aagghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Youre Missin The Bleedin Point, Goobers, The Lot Of Ya,

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Masochst]

Can't wait to hear the speach before the Blast itself - he's built himself up well, it better be good, there's a lot to live up to!

[Don]

I can't wait to hear it either, although I may have to disguise myself as a gorse bush, or put Clive on my shoulders and pretend to be Colin.

[Byrner]

Hold your breath till Monday when we announce the prize for this years Blast Winner.
you will be blown away, I promise you
Richie

[Bren]

It wouldn't be a shinny pointy stick ?
With all this manly talk, foaming of the mouth, young fit and fast mountain bikers, old cunning and treacherous mountain bikers. Skinny, fat and odd bikes or bikers. Women wearing "Brute" aftershave and mathoks stored along the course.
If one were to have friends brave enough to spectate at this event where do ye reckon the biggest lets say in good Gaelic football terms "shamozzle" could be seen on the course ?

[Byrner]

I don't really know, everywhere is good, probably high up on the firebreak

[Byrner]

hey, i just rode the finished course..fantastic work people, i hadn't seen the bottom section built by Mark and his crew..extremely impressive..in fact, its amazing..well done everybody..there were a few weirdoes goobering around pre riding the course..they will be named and shamed on the day..fingers will be wagged and pointed..
its drier up there than it has been for weeks..its 100% rideable..some of the jumps are amazing..the Amazon ( Carol, Sylvia and Sophies) Jumps on the firebreak are hilarious..if you take them fast you will fly..
the course is so much fun it should be illegal

[Byrner]

Now,
not only will we have an overall winner in the Blast itself, we will have a prize/trophy for first lady across the line.
And the King of The Goobers..but i will choose that one !!
And people, race the damn thing, mountainbiking is not a feckin spectator sport and fitness is not an issue. Neither is skill..that will be beaten in to you on the day.
This is the race of Mountainbike Gods.
Sure there are jumps but there are paths around them, and you can get off your bike and run if you feckin want to.
This event is about the Experience..
if you don't do it, you will regret it, you really will.

[Dethshed]

that course is a real driller-thriller, feck there's just so much top-class entertainment on it - like the telly at Christmas back 20 years ago when they had all the deadly films on, the pain of the fireroads is banished by the great jumps and bridges 'n that gulley of joy and the berms of nirvana, the last section is a brilliant rip, even Skippy dogs loved it

...all so I'm told, I've no idea myself, some lads told me, what were there names now.....:rolleyes:

[Byrner]

if somebody does one of those garmin topo gaylord things of the course, could i have a look at it..
and do those yokes explode if you bate them with a mattock ?
have I got my message across..
and why is Scrivo driving a ladyboy car ?
Fair play to Alan and Skippy and his dogs, Fallopian and Ovum or whatever their names were, for their bit of digging today..finding Alan in the murky forest was a bit unnerving..not quite as durty as seeing Colin on his road bike or seeing good old Richie feelgood on his as he bounced up and down along the N11, Richie, if you stopped moving around so much , you would beat everybody !

[Byrner]

by the way, learn to feckin stand up on your pedals or jump with the saddle up, you don't need no telepooper seatpost.
As for tyres, ones that have decent thread and don't puncture are the best ones..oh and its probably best if they are black anything else just looks gay..

[Byrner]

by the way Bren you cannot call yourself a mountainbiker and not race this, marshall this or have any involvement in this..spectators who own mountainbikes who come to watch the EPIC Blast will be fooked off this forum..

[Don]

King of the Goobers, I like the sound of that. It would be risky given the numbers to make any bold claims here, but I have my eye on that crown, my head is a size 10. Any savages pretending to be goobers (we can tell) will be exposed and mocked.

[Byrner]

the King of The Goobers will earn The Horn Of El Dorado...

[Bren]

by the way Bren you cannot call yourself a mountainbiker and not race this, marshall this or have any involvement in this..spectators who own mountainbikes who come to watch the EPIC Blast will be fooked off this forum..
I was asking for a neighbour of mine who doesn't mountain bike but does enjoy blood sports.. erm sorry Mountain bike races.
I away up in Conemara (Leterfrack) for a wedding that weekend. I'm desperate to do this race just have to work out a plausible excuse to get back to Wicklow Sunday. The idea is not sitting to well with the missus at the moment.
Much as i really want to go I also want to have Sex again before i die and not die soon either.
The Charm offensive is in full swing fingers crossed.

[Byrner]

starting at 11.00 for experienced under 12;s,Under 10's under 8's
Parents can join in if they want ,in fact they are encouraged.
Starting on the fireroad half way down and using the singletrack, Als roller coaster and BON and ROOS gully ( without the Northshore Bridge).
No heats just a Blast.

[John D]

Hi lads,
Im a brand newby so pls forgive my lack of knowledge.
Heres a couple of questions about the blast...

1) Can I just turn up and sign on ?
2) Can I bring my 13yo Son as he's a year too old for the Mini Blast ?
3) What distance will we have to race as I dont want to beast the kid to death.
4) Will we be publicly flogged for just entering for the craic & not being too compeditive ?
5)Wheres the start point for the heats ?

Many Thanks,
John D.

[Byrner]

I think he can enter either, in fact he can enter the Mini Blast and if hes ok we'll send him up to the main Blast.
It takes about 15 mins of burning pain to get from the Mountain to the finish.
And i mean burning pain, I nearly passed out yesterday
the heats start up on the mountain unless the weather is crap.
And entering for the craic is all the rage.
The thing with the Blast is , its all about riding a mountainbike at your limit..thats your limit, nobody elses..
Its all about the Atmosphere

[Byrner]

oh yeah you will need t get a one day licence, i think theyr're a tenner..then sign on and away you go..
the lads taking it seriously are the ones who get abused..

[John D]

Thanks Byrner,
I'll have a chat with him but the mini blast sounds more sensible first time out.
He's worried about looking foolish if he gets left for dust by the other riders.
If 13 yo's can enter then thats probably the way to go.
John.

[Fat Fecker]

Nothin foolish about coming last.... Watching is foolish. missing it is foolish. If he can ride a bike, do the full thing. at least try a practice run. he will survive. He'll start a boy, and finish a man........

[Don]

Nothin foolish about coming last.... Watching is foolish. missing it is foolish. If he can ride a bike, do the full thing. at least try a practice run. he will survive. He'll start a boy, and finish a man........

That's the spirit, it's enough to make forget about my wet crotch. (New motorbike waterproofs required)

[Fat Fecker]

yeah, yeah. waterproofs my arse. Old age is setting in Don.... or was the bike a bit squirmy on the road today?

[ConorM]

Howdy guys.

I have a couple, very, very important questions...

1. Where's the craic going to be on Saturday night?

2. Which pub will we be meeting up in?

Cheers :)

[John D]

Heh heh, FF, he'll prob be looking over his shoulder at me breathing through my ars*.

[JoeyO]

Just going through the replies to this thread - What's this about requiring a "one day licence" to enter the Blast?

[PAULO]

A 1 day licence is required to race any mtb race, costs a tenner and covers the random punter that you happen to crash into while attempting that 360 over the afforementioned random punter's dog.
they will be available at sign on.

One of the more senior members will confirm this along with a rant about ducks/goobers/heavy metal and/or cycling irleand

[JoeyO]

Thanks for that!

[JoeyO]

Sorry Paulo.... cr*p day, yesterday - I may be losing my grip on this reality.
Thanks for the info, but it seems the young fella has a Championship Final hurling match on Sunday and logistics may prevent me getting to the Blast.